Operative Smee (itslanecampbell) wrote,
Operative Smee
itslanecampbell

  • Mood:

tension

i'm never fully prepared for my mom to come to town. last night, i just realized how little plans i had made or time i set aside to spend with her. i'm so excited that she's here. this summer just feels too overwhelming. maybe after today, things will get better. this weekend brings sleeping in and carefree plans...
just talked to a friend on the phone about some business-related things. he basically implied that he wants to call me out on something this afternoon or is ticked off at me. i don't know if it was the early call or what, but it's now bothering me. does this come from my white guilt or a place of co-dependency? why do i always seek approval from folks when it's not possible for people to like me all the time? now, it's on my mind and i am wondering what he has to say. i hate getting a warning for a confrontation early. it just leaves more time for anxiety and questioning what exactly the source is. there is no way to know ahead of time and i just have to let it go. that kind of anxiety eats me up inside...
tonite we are going to a potluck here at SKSM. tomorrow, we will go to the farmers' market, possibly with betty jeanne. sunday, we aren't planning on going to church. in fact, we have no plans as of right now. maybe we'll go see a movie. she's here until wednesday and i am so glad to see her...
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